My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
