cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
