Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize