Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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