I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
