like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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