apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
