couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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