Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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