I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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