miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
