Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
