I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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