I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize