You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
