Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
