I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
