just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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