So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
