I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
