Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
