sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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