I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
