This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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