I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
