its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
