It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize