Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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