dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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