I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she smelled like a LAN party
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize