I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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