woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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