i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I skipped work to stalk him.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
