Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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