I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
A+ Viking dick
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
