Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
