i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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