i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
