He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
