My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
