I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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