I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
