he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
