you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize