if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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