I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
