it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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