I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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