I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
