I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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