Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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