I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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