but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
