i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize