I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
