i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
