You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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