The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
