last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
