I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
