btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
