your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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