I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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