You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
