You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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